Pumpkin Patch

I took my son to a pumpkin patch today and got this action shot. I was thinking of using it as our holiday card with the caption “Hope your holidays aren’t crappy”, but I don’t think the family would appreciate it.

Fall in Paradise

I’ve been stuck at home with bronchitis for the last couple of days and am beginning to feel better. I’m completely excited about Halloween, mainly because my son is at an age where he’s getting into it and I like putting together treats for all five trick-or-treaters that come by the house. Also, Halloween means fall has definitely made its way to my quaint little mountain town...and I love the Fall!!!! Below are some pics I took around town, they are kinda blurry but you do you expect…I was driving. I know that it will be winter soon, which I dread…only because I suck at driving in the snow. Fortunately, the snow doesn’t always stick on the valley flow…unfortunately, when it doesn’t stick that means it melted during the day and will turn into ice at night.

It's...

about time.

Oral Fixation

A lady at my work has a huge herpes sore on her lip, every time she comes in my office I stare at it…

"My Root"

The other day I was watching this campy move “But I’m a cheerleader”, about a girl who’s parents send her home to help her get over being a homosexual. It was a completely tongue in cheek and made me chuckle. One of the things they had to discuss in therapy was their “root” the reason they became gay…examples included a girl seeing her mom get married in pants and another was because the girl was born in France. Anyway, I was moving pictures from my camera to my computer when I came across some that I took on the drive home from LV. And there it was “my root”, not for being gay (I’m only 46% gay), but for being a closet socialist. Mercury, Nevada…home of the “test site”. My parents are uber-republican, which means we don’t talk politics for fear that it will give them a coronary. But, I must admit that I do slip in jabs every once in a while, for instance one time when they were visiting my mom and I were at a book store and she mentioned she wanted a book by Dr. Laura, and I told her that I’d prefer not to have that kind of crap in my house because Dr. Laura was a bigot. Would I have really not let her have it in my house, no, but it felt good to say. I digress, so when I was a kid my parents used to take us to the test site with a church group (keep in mind I’m catholic) to protest nuclear testing. So, here’s a snippet of the massage they sent me as a child…nuclear testing “bad”… abortion “bad”…death penalty “good”. Really the nuclear testing was the only thing that had any impact…in 8th grade I was boycotting GE for building nuclear reactors and McDonald for cutting down forest for herding cattle…definitely moving down the path away from my parent’s republican spouting and toward many future socialist reading.


The road leading to the test site...the white building to the left is next to a chain link fence that when crossed got you arrested for traspassing. We'd have mass outside the fence and then the adults would hold hands and sing religious songs when crossing the fence together...my parents didn't participate in this activity.

HeHe...DeLay's booking photo.

I'm in love…

with a dead man, which isn't the first time…I use to have a thing for Shannon Hoon (also a drug od…odd). Anyway, I'm talking about Bradley Nowell once again. So, I was down in Vegas at the Hard Rock Hotel Spa getting waxed and as I was heading out to valet I noticed one of the many celebrity displays in the hallway and who should it be…Bradley Nowell. Of course my first instinct was to lick the glass that enclosed his many artifacts, but seeing how I wasn't alone in the hallway and I try to keep my perverse behavior behind closed doors (or at least off of blatant public display), I instead took several crappy pictures with my camera phone. Behold the paper that "Bad Fish" was written on (you my have notice the lyrics at the top of my blog), if you squint and turn your head you can almost make out the words.

Back in the land of milk and honey…

I’ve finally returned home, thank god. So much happened while I was away, I don’t even know where to begin…here’s the quick run down, that I’ll expand on later. Drove to Vegas, flooded my in-laws house after one day there, missed my friend's bridal shower because of idiots at a doctor's office, gave my sister a bachelorette party that included me getting some guy thrown out of a bar for taking off his pants in public (I underestimate my powers of persuasion), visited with family and friends, was the “matron” of honor at my sister’s wedding, danced till my legs hurt, visited my niece and her new baby, just about ripped my sister and her husband new ass holes for being inconsiderate and unorganized, went shopping and finally drove home. All in all, it made for an interesting eleven days.

I hate Vegas...sometimes.

My family wants me to move back to Vegas...but its not exactly high on my list of desires and wishes. Mainly because I love were I live so much and I feel it is a much better environment to raise my son. Anyway, I've been here (in Vegas) for about a week and each day I'm being reminded why I don't like living here....
1. Traffic sucks
2. Freaks on every street corner
3. Guilty feelings of snobbery for thinking everyone is an unwashed freak
4. Pretty sure the freaks include a fair number of pedophiles eyeing my beautiful son
5. Involvement in every minor family crisis
6. Lack of outdoor entertainment...its October and hot so who wants to be outdoors...not able to go for a walk or bike ride without heat stroke
7. It smells like ass
8. Its the land of stucco and mauve buildings...I can't keep shopping centers straight because they all look the same...and what the hell is with all of the "Petcos" and "Petsmarts"
9. Constant fear that I will run into someone I know...didn't care for them when I was here, haven't missed them while I've been gone and have no desire to see them when I visit
10.After a while, chicks with fake boobs, hot pants and hooker heals lose their novelty and I long for the Patagonia clad masses up north

On a positive note...the shopping is great and I do get to see my parents who I love dearly.

Exhibit A: Was stuck in a doctor's office waiting room of 5 hours (another story) and had the joy of listening to this yahoo call everyone in his Franklin Covey knock off date planner and talk about "rolling" some guy when he got out of the hospital...not sure what that means.

Oh...

My Goodness!

"The Shocker"...Common Knowledge?

Last night my husband was doing his Vanilla Ice, Cool As Ice, impersonation and made a hand gesture that had a sexual meaning. I made a comment about the gesture and he had no idea what I was talking about. He was giving the sign for “The Shocker”…I explained to him what it meant and he thought I was making it up. I told him that I thought that it was pretty much common knowledge, but he still does not believe me (like I would make it up). So, does everyone know what I’m talking about or am I just talking out my ass?

The Underwear Oracle

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like your underwear to make you feel girlish and pretty. Let's hope you're a chick. You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.

The Underwear Oracle

MEME?

I got tagged from Cladeedah, but seeing as I only have 10 posts I'm going to use my second post and also make up something for the non-existant 23rd.

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

"5. I’m a closet socialist" (Number 5 on the 100 things about me list)
&
"I was so pleased with the results of the anal bleaching, I had to show everyone" (what might be the 5th line of my 23rd post when I write it.)


And here's the other MEME I got from Cladeedah:
1. Legal First name? Rather not state, let's just say its a guy's name
2. Were you named after anyone? Father's Uncle "Howard * White", told you it was a guy's name
3. Do you wish on stars? Not really
4. When did you last cry? Last Monday
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Roast Beef (but only from a deli)
6. What is your birth date? May 13th
7. Whats your most embarrassing CD? Jessica Simpson, In this skin
8. Would you be friends with you? Hell yea, I'm a kick ass friend, I wish I had more friends like me.
9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? All the time...
10. What are your nicknames? Sashe, Flea, Booty (there's an explaination for that one)
11. Would you bungee jump? Sure
12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes
13. Do you think that you are strong? Relatively
14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? ButterPecan
15. Shoe Size? 9-9.5
16. Red or pink? Red
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Nose & poor spelling skills
18. Who do you miss most? B-I-L: Michael
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Navy
20. What are you listening to right now? NPR-I'm a nerd
21. What did you eat for breakfast? Wheat Bagel
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Green
23. What is the weather like right now? Sunny and cool
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? Employee with a question
25.The first things you notice about the opposite sex? Package j/k...eyes
26. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, just thinking about her makes me smile.
27. Favorite Drink? Water or CokeZero
28. Hair Color? Dark Brown
29. Do you wear contacts? Yes
30. Favorite Food? Pizza Crust
31. Last Movie You Watched? 40 Year Old Virgin
32. Favorite Day Of The Year? Changes every year, but it is around the 3rd week of August...day dorms open.
33. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary movies, but I spend the whole time covering my face.
34. Summer Or Winter? Summer
35. Hugs OR Kisses? Both
36. What Is Your Favorite Desert? The Mojave... or did you mean Dessert? Creme Brulee
37. Living Arrangements? Two dogs, husband and son.
38.. What books Are You Reading? Thus spoke Zarathustra and The Known World
39. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Don't have one
40.What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Law & Order
41. Favorite Smells? Horses, rain on hot asphalt and coffee
42. Favorite junk food? Cheetos
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Hello! Beatles...as if.
44. What's the farthest you've been from home? England/Scotland

I now tag for both of these...no one...the only two people I know who blog Cladeedah already got.

Top 10 Reasons I love my quaint little mountain town.

I always making comments about my town being a haven for “white trash”, but obviously there are many reasons why I live here and love it.

10. Only place I’ve been were driving a Subaru makes you a pimp...all wheel drive…that’s hot.
9. The whole town is casual. And I’m not talking yuppie khaki/fleece bay area casual (although that element does thrive here), but you can get away with wearing just about anything casual anywhere and you’re not going to feel underdressed. Beanies, cargo pants and Tevas are standard issue when you move here.
8. Everyone is nice…almost to the point of being obnoxious. Walking down the street people look you in the eyes, smile and say “hi”. It’s contagious.
7. It’s an outdoor Mecca. Regardless of the time of year, there is always some activity to do outdoors. Hike, bike, kayak, snow/water ski…there is always something.
6. Anything that we don’t have here is near by. Tahoe- a half-hour; San Francisco- maybe four hours…you drive there and back to see a Giants or 49ers game in the same day and shopping (or you could do that in Sac-two hours away); Napa Valley-three hours away…get the booze and get home quickly.
5. Community atmosphere. This is apparent with regard to the local University. People know what’s going on with the teams and the school in general…they ask questions and care. People know you everywhere you go…it’s like one big Cheers.
4. Its small. I can get most anywhere in town in around 15-20 minutes.
3. The town was founded on my birthday, only 109 years earlier.
2. I think it’s pretty. When most people think of the state, they think desert, but we have four seasons and sagebrush to boot.
1. We try to rise above the “white trash” image…there’s a lot of things to do in town that would not be considered “white trash” and those things are what make it fun to live here.

More guys I would nail, but am not allowed to say that about…

On my previous blog I listed a bunch of guys that I was hot for, but my husband would get mad if I mentioned. They included George Clooney, Johny Depp, Gary Oldman, Ed Norton, Bradley Nowell and Christian Bale. Since that list was created and deleted, I keep coming across people that I am stunned that I left off, so here are the additions.

Joaquin Phoenix…I think he might qualify as ugly/hot. (I included the pic with the boob shot for the guys stopping by)

Ryan Gosling…just seems sweet.

Ethan Hawke…this one is going back to the Dead Poet Society Days, old crushes die hard.

Jake Gyllenhaal…you gotta love bubble boy.

Christian Bale…I know he was on the first list, but I had to put this picture back up because…damn.