To busy to write about before update.

Last week was the Christmas Holiday Party at work and the time when you have to kiss ass to all the right people in the form of a gift. Usually, I do a little something for everyone in the department (24 people), but I just didn’t have the time and energy this year. So, I just stuck to my employees and my boss. But, when I got to work two other managers had gifts waiting for me. Damn, now I had to figure out what to get them. Thankfully, I had forgotten my present for the gift swap (I know, don’t you wish your job a fun like mine), so I raced home before the festivities to grab the gift I had forgotten and scrounge together something to give the other managers. Since I have a habit I buying all kinds of crap at Crate ‘N Barrel or Pottery Barn after Christmas sales it was pretty easy. One lady got a bottle of wine, because I like her, the other got a set of holiday dish towels. I also decided to give the other two managers in my department gift, that was so it wasn’t obvious that I was just trying to make up for the fact that they had gotten me something. The only male got a set of candy cane stripped candle, (I know candles are kinda lame, especially for a guy, but it was either that or a holiday mug and coco) and the other female got a cookbook. After everything was all said it done I think it turned out pretty well.

So, a couple of Fridays ago my mom had a layover in town on the way to Washington and we had breakfast, chit chatted and she gave me gifts for the family. Since my car in always full of junk, my husband’s present got squished, and the gift was just about falling out of the box, so I told him he might as well open it. It was a big ass sweater, which is the standard. My spouse is 6’7” and weights about 280 lbs, and he usually where’s a XLT in a sweater, depending on the cut maybe a 2XLT. My mom busts out with a 3XLT for him, I think she’s the only person who buys him things that are too big for him. I’m pretty sure that she has a distorted perception on how big he really is; the fact that she’s about 5’5” (just a bit taller then me) might have something to do with it. Anyway, I came home a couple of days later and saw the other gifts she gave us sitting there and decided to open the one that was for the family (We always go out of town for Christmas, so there’s no real good time to open these things). What did I find? I framed picture titled “Jesus Laughing” (which kinda looks like my crazy brother chuckling...last year she gave us two framed $1 bills with John Kerry's and George Bush's faces painted over Washington's) and a DVD of a black/white 1955 movie entitled “Miracle of Mercelino” (mind you, it did win Grand Prize at the 1955 Cannes Film Festival). I’m not exactly the most unreligious person, in fact I consider myself to be rather spiritual, but I just don’t feel the need to advertise it. I think displaying faith through speech or material demeans it. Also, I don’t want to be one of those people who preach one thing and does another. I have this uber Christian lady I work with who spends her lunch reading the bible, and the rest of the time she’s the gossipiest bitch you’ve ever meant. In fact, she’s usually able to include references of hell and damnation in her hypocritical, self-righteous rants about other people. With regard to the gifts, I’m thinking next year’s white elephant party.

Yoda

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.
Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life greets it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.
Yoda is a is a character in the Star Wars universe. More Yoda information is available at the Star Wars Databank.

You're so vain...

I had to get a new ID for work and they said that the new system had my old picture in it, and asked if I just wanted a copy of it on my new card. Thinking it was a picture I took about five years ago, I agreed to use the old picture. Turns out it was a picture I took about 3 years ago when I was 9 months pregnant with my son...needless to say it sucks. Since we had to get new IDs because of the system upgrade, they were free, but after that initial ID there is a cost. Now I have to decide if I'm vain enough to shell out $7 for a new ID with a new picture. I know it’s not very much money, but for some reason the idea of getting a replacement gives me some guilt (damn catholic upbringing).

White Elephant

Last weekend was the white elephant party that happens every year with a certain group of friends. One friend couldn’t make it because she said it was too expensive for her to travel, but turns out that was a big fat lie, but I’m not bitter…Anywho, we had a great time. Originally, I got gay porn magazines, but surprisingly someone stole it from me…even more surprising it was the husband of one of my girl friends who took it. I ended up with the gift that I brought, a cd I picked up just for the occasion (see below). My husband gave a Dr. Seuss DVD, we accidentally purchased two copies of the same movie for my son…oh well. He ended up with a bowl and pitcher set that he was rather pleased with. I think the best gift was the one received by Chesty McTickles…she got a copy of a very used porn movie (tons o’ cum #15) and an old cell phone.

Foggy days are here again...

I left the house this morning and there was fog covering the city. I’ve lived here for 10 years and this is only the second time that I’ve seen it get so foggy. The first time was last year when all hell broke loose on the storm front. I hope this isn’t a precursor to another harsh winter, I don’t think that I could handle driving in the snow that much again. When I drive in bad weather, I become that person that everyone bitches about. I admit it, I suck, but I have to leave the house so there’s no getting around it.

Not hate, just frustrated love…

So, when I first started this blog thing I would flip through random blogs and just check out what was out there. That is how I came across Christina’s 100 reasons why I hate my husband blog. I shared it with my husband and in total fear he asked me not to start a hate blog about him. Why would I? I don’t hate my husband, sometimes I may not like him a whole lot, sometimes I may threaten him with ceramic bowls (really it was only once), sometimes I may have to go away for a while so I don’t say really mean things, and sometimes I may think that I hate him, but really I don’t. For the most part I try to keep things on this blog pretty impersonal, but if I continue to do that…what’s the point. I can’t really talk about work, so that just leaves home life. And when it comes to home life, the best stories are about my husband. His own friends have asked him if he sees reality in cartoon format…which would explain a lot. For those who know him, they can appreciate where I’m coming from. So, now that I have justified it to myself, don’t be surprised if I include a little snippet about the old man every once in a while. The shits really funny and it makes me laugh…I guess its part of the reason why I love my husband.

In our bedroom, sleeps my husband, myself and our two dogs. Last night, at about 4 am, I awoke to my husband yelling at one of the dogs to be quite. Of course, this freaked the shit out of me. I asked him what the hell he was doing, to which he replied that the dog was whining (I assume bad doggie dream) and it was keeping him awake. Okay, so since you can’t sleep you wake my ass up. I don’t hear anything from the dog, I guess yelling at him worked. There I lay wide awake, while my husband begins to snore and the dogs breathe the heavy sounds of sleeping dogs. Needless to say, I was a little annoyed. So, this morning I asked him why he yelled, he said again that the dog was keeping him awake. I then asked was it necessary to wake me up, he said, “Oh sorry, I just assumed he was keep you up as well”. “Nope, I was asleep, next time check”…You won’t believe this just as I typed that last word, he came into my office (he was sleeping) and asked if we had an earthquake…mans on crazy pills. Well…since he’s up might see if I can get some ass.

Check this out...

I came across this website a couple of years ago, and for some reason my husband and I were making jokes about it tonight. So, I thought that I would find it again to share with ya'll. Be sure to click on the pictures at the bottom of the bathe and multimedia links.

The things people do with thier time...

but, I'm no better cause I read it.

Not impressed.

So there's a News and Review reject that has cropped up named Chimpanzee. It's a monthly, feels like it's trying really hard to be edgy. Kidda Lame.

Yet another list.

I’ve been on a list kick lately so why stop now.

The big cheese at work was teasing me yesterday because of all of my neurosis. And I have to admit that I do have several (notice I feel the need to explain them)…

1. Mysterious food. I work in an area where people are always bringing in food as a thank you and we have a couple of people who work here who love to cook and will bring in their latest dish. Usually, it is left in the break room and people pick at it, no questions asked. I won’t. I find it disturbing that people just blindly accept that the food is okay and go to town. The area I work in also has a lot of people who don’t like us, so I don’t want to be the victim of rat poison laced cookies.

2. Large objects mounted on the walls or ceiling. Growing up in LV, I think that I only felt one earthquake. They happen here somewhat regularly and I don’t want some 35” tv hanging on the wall at Sparky’s to fall on me. So, I won’t sit under or near anything that can crush me. For that matter, I don’t have a piece of furniture in my office that is above waist high and the only things hanging on my walls are my degrees.

3. I won’t drive at night during the winter. Once again I grew up in LV, if it snowed at all we got excited. So, when I moved here the winters took some getting used to. Well, the winter I was pregnant with my son, I was driving home from a meeting at about 9 pm, when I spun out on the black ice…won’t take the chance now.

4. I don’t like strangers touching me. I don’t know where you’ve been and don’t know what kind of crap you’re carrying. I think this is why I could never live in a big city and use public transportation; I would have to sit to close to strangers. Also, this is why I could never be a slut, I’d require any potential partner to have a lot of testing and provide a lot of background information to be intimate.

5. I’m afraid of the dark…well actually the dark outdoors. I think this comes from being a girl and having everyone warn me all my life about rapist lurking in dark bushes waiting to attack. Whatever the reason, I hate be outside alone at night.

Other then that I think I’m pretty normal. Unless, you count being disturbed by Wal-Marts as a neurosis.

Pet Peeves

I saw this on someone else’s page and decided to steal it.

Pet Peeves

1. People who say that they went swimming with “the dolphins”. “The dolphins”…what the fuck is that? Is there just one pod that travels from place to place swimming with humans or are we talking about Dan Marino’s former crew? Either way it bugs me.

2. People who use words like irregardless and supposably.

3. People who don’t add a “ly” when they are suppose too…example: “Drive safe”, instead of “Drive safely”.

4. People who play tonsil hockey in public. I can handle and engage in conservative displays of affection in public, but I don’t want to see anyone taste their significant other’s lunch in front of me.

5. People who wear clothes that don’t fit them…guess what, if you’re oozing out the top of your jeans or I can see the outline of your appendectomy scar because your clothes are so tight, chances are that they are too small and you look like an idiot.

6. People who talk during movies…It doesn’t make you cool that you don’t care if you bother other people, it makes you obnoxious and annoying, and makes me pretty sure that you have an IQ lower then 60.

7. People who have used words or phrases like “that’s tight”, “that’s the bomb” or “bling”? It’s basically trendy speak, and like dressing trendy it screams of desperation for acceptance by some group of people that you’ve determined as the “in crowd”…it’s even worse if you are still doing this outside of high school. There are enough words in the English language that you don’t have to sound like an Aaron Carter reject.

8. Hairy female arm pits…just gross...not sure why…maybe I’m sexist…actually I don’t care to see anyone’s hairy pits.

9. Screaming girls…you know the ones who group together and freak out if a boy calls them, usually a group of adolescents…shut the fuck up, it’s not cute.

10. This ones really on one’s fault, but warm chairs and toilet sets. I know someone has sat there before me, but I hate being reminded.

10 Reasons why I'm a geek

The other night I was heading home with my husband and son in tow, and listening to my favorite radio station 103.7 when a song that I love came on “Cherry Cherry”, by Neil Diamond. This happened right as my husband was about to say something, when he saw me turn up the radio and start “rocking out”, he cut himself short. After the song, I asked what he was going to say, when the told me “I was going to say that I removed this station from my car radio because it plays to much Neil Diamond, but since that song came on it sounds contrived.” So, I think of my husband as a pretty big dork, sure he played division I college football and masters pretty much any sport he tries, sure he’s 6’7” and can kick anyone’s butt, sure he’s hot and has an ass like a “jack hammer” (hehe…Letterman quote), but under it all he’s a computer tooling, video gaming, comic book reading dork. So, when he points out that a type of music that I might enjoy is considered by some as lame, I am faced with my geekdom. Let me give you my self identified 10 reasons why I’m a geek, understand that there are many more, but there is only so much I can write.

1. I listen to Neil Diamond and the Carpenters…and love it. Understand, I’m the youngest of 8 with a 20 year age gap between me and my oldest sibling. Their taste in music had a definite affect on me…and at least it’s not Tom Jones.
2. I kick ass at Jeopardy and record it. But, my husband takes part in this too.
3. My job requires me to know a butt load of state and federal regs and rules that I can recall at anytime, not only do I rock this…I actually enjoy it.
4. I’m so good at the card game “Pit” that people won’t play with me anymore.
5. In college I joined the nerdiest clubs and organizations that even my husband/then boyfriend made fun of me.
6. I’m so bad at backing out of parking spots its shocking that no one has been hurt.
7. I failed the first driving test I took.
8. In high school I carried around the world’s largest binder, and because of it I couldn’t fit actual books in my book bag.
9. I was the Virgin Mary in every freakin’ church/school play that I was in between the ages of 7 and 13.
10. I didn’t mind the catholic school uniforms that I wore for 12 years. In fact, I wish I still had to wear a uniform; it would make getting ready in the mornings so much easier.

Those who know me feel free to add or speculate.