Welcome to the Monkeyhouse

When you grab a hold of me; Tell me that I'll never be set free; But I'm a parasite, creep and crawl I step into the night.

Friday, March 24, 2006

As long as it’s not Duke…

I really don’t care who wins the NCAA tournament, as long as it’s not Duke (so happy LSU gave them the boot). Why? Because back in the day, Duke was the team that beat the Rebels in the 1991 NCAA Semifinals, and then went on to win the tournament beating Kansas. And in 1990 they were the team that the Rebels beat to win the tournament. Now, do I even like the Rebels, no…back in 1990-1991, when I was in 7th and 8th grade, I did get into the hoopla that engulfed my hometown, but really I was indifferent about the Rebels in general. Then I went to college at UNLV’s instate rival, and now pretty much loath the Rebels, but for some sick reason, I still can’t stand the Blue Devils. I think it is a testament to my ability to hold a grudge. Probably not the most constructive use of energy, but I was born in the year of the snake and snakes never forget…

Monday, March 13, 2006

So hard being so right...

The husband and I got in a fight last night, and for some reason, today he is denying it happened, but whatever. Actually, I guess it wasn’t a fight; I was more me getting really really mad at him. Anyway, when I left the room to go potty, I came back to find him cleaning…thanks for proving my point mentioned in my post from Saturday (which he did read), that you only clean when we fight. And to prove he does a less then spectacular job, he loaded the dishwasher but didn’t run it and managed to misplace a Costco size (no joke they are Kirkland brand) box of dog biscuits in his “cleaning” frenzy. Since I’m still pissed and a bitch to boot, I made a snotty comment about him mindlessly moving shit around, to which he retorted that it wasn’t mindless. Okay, but two minutes ago you said that you didn’t even remember touching the box…sounds like a lot of thought went into your decision to relocate it.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

To add to my rant

I just found out that a certain someone, how shall remain nameless, thought it would be a good idea to email a picture that included my son along with an a form that has my home address on it to a bunch of strangers. And the topper is, this person always says that I'm hyper vigiliant when it comes to my son. Okay genius, if you know I'm hyper vigiliant on what planet do you think I would be okay with you sending strangers a picture of my son and my home address....can we say photoshop?

If you have nothing nice to say…

So, I’ve been lazy about updating this week, but mainly because I’ve had nothing nice to say. Instead I’ll bitch.

About two weeks ago I pull a groin muscle getting into my car and haven’t been right since. Basically, if I sit for too long I walk funny when I get up, it’s uncomfortable to lie on my sides (and sleeping on your left side is best when you are pregnant), and in order to get to sleep I have to prop every appendage with pillows and convince myself that I’m not in complete pain. As my husband put it…I broke my vagina.

Also, my feet have started to swell, another lovely side effect of pregnancy. I was hoping to pump enough water into my system that this wouldn’t be a problem, but I guess I wasn’t diligent.

Everywhere I go people want to take pictures of me…okay ass holes, I’m cranky, bloated and in pain…I don’t care if you want to remember my pregnancy, get the fucking camera out of my face.

I have too much going on at work and not enough time to get it all done. Everyone is freaking out because I’ll be off of work for so long (about 12 weeks, love that FMLA). So, I have all these requests to conduct trainings and set up meetings before I leave, and I still have to do my regular work. When I comes down to it, I know that I will not be able to be completely away from work, as it is I’ve already been set up so that I can get into my work G & H drives, email and HR system from home. Coupled with the fact that I do own a phone and fax machine, I pretty sure that I’ll be working from home.

My house is a mess and there’s not much I can do about it. Between the groin pull and swollen feet, I’ve been told to take it easy. Since my husband hasn’t been coming with me to doctor’s appointment, I’m pretty sure that he thinks I’m full of shit on this topic. Which means my house looks like the city dump. I have family coming to town in early April for a baby shower, and my mother-in-law staying with us for a week when the baby is born. My husband only cleans when we have a fight about it, and even then he does a less then spectacular job. The only thing that really annoys me about this is the fact that I know his mother will lecture me about the house and then proceed to talk shit about me to other family members. She holds her son accountable for nothing and he is more then happy to jump on that band wagon.

I think that about covers it.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Oscar Picks

Back in the day, before mommy-hood, my husband and I used to see all the movies nominated for best picture prior to the Oscars. Not so much anymore. But, we still do fill out Oscar ballots just to make the award show a little interesting; it’s the Nevada in us. Anyway, here are my Oscar picks, for what I consider major categories this year. Keep in mind; I pretty much haven’t seen any of the movies/performances in question.

Actor-Leading
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) – The man is way overdue, he should have gotten one for Boogie Nights when he cried in the car and called himself a “fucking idiot”.





Actor-Supporting
Paul Giamatti (Cinderella Man) – Actually I think it would be cool for Matt Dillion to win in this category, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen. And, Paul Giamatti got screwed for Sideways last year, so I think this will make up for it (“If anyone orders merlot I'm leaving”).




Actress-Leading
Felicity Huffman (Transamerica) – The only performance that I’ve seen in the category is Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line, although I like the movie, I don’t think its Oscar worthy, but I hear good things about Felicity Huffman, so might as well go with it.




Actress-Supporting
Amy Adams (Junebug) – Because she’s the first one listed on the ballot and she was in Drop Dead Gorgeous, which is so funny.







Animated Feature
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit – My son likes it.








Art Direction
Good Night, and Good Luck – Just because I like movies in black and white, Dead Man is one of my favorite.







Cinematography

Batman Begins or Brokeback Mountain – I don’t think they will give it to Batman Begins because of the type of movie it is, but the scenes were he learning from Ra's Al-Ghul are sweet. I’m guessing it will go to Brokeback Mountain, which also has some wonderful Cinematography.





Costume Design
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Dressing Oompa-Loompas must to be hard.







Directing
Munich –Spielberg for the sake of begin Spielberg.












Makeup
Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith – Nuff Said.








Original Score
Brokeback Mountain – It’s everywhere.






Original Song
“It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” (Hustle & Flow) – It has to win, the word “pimp” is in the title.







Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain – There might actually be rioting on the streets if it doesn’t win. But, don’t fear it will be gay men rioting, so that means they’ll be milling around making caddy comments about people’s clothes and some possible slap fights.




Screen Play – Adapted
The Constant Gardener – There was a lot of hype about this movie, so I’ll give it to them.







Screen Play – Original
Good Night, And Good Luck – They have to give Clooney something, I mean the guy was nominated in three categories. It’s the “Good Will Hunting” Award, we’re not going to give you anything for your performance but we love the why you type.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Soy un perdedor

Why? If you know me you don’t have to ask, but incase you were wondering…

1. I had to go into work today (my day off) for a meeting, when I got back to my office I stopped by the little girl’s room so I could relieve my ever shrinking bladder. As I was taking off my coat in the bathroom stall I managed to get part of it in the toilet (same coat I puked on New Year’s Eve, yes it had been cleaned).

2. So, I gathered my potty coat and headed outside into the snow (no I did not put the potty coat on). I had plans to meet a couple of girl friends for lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. I get there a little early, ordered an ice tea and started looking over a menu, when I finally notice that they were really late. I called friend #1 whose number I know off the top of my head and it turns out that friend #2 had emailed canceling lunch, while I was as the meeting earlier, because she had to pick up Girl Scout cookies (WTF).

3. I decided to stay and have lunch anyway, but had to tell the waiter that I was basically stood up. So, I had my “crying pig” all alone at a table for four. Just me, my pig and three glasses of water.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

This...


would never have happened if beating your children was socially acceptable. Okay, I'm not for child abuse, but I hope the kid got at least a good talking to and revoked rights to his newest Playstation.