Ass Bitting Cold…

that’s what it is right now and it will only get colder. Why do I stay? Because my other option is to move to Vegas, which we know smell like ass and not to mention the fact that my crazy family is there. Speaking of crazy family, my visitors left Saturday evening to head back to Vegas. That was after I got a phone call from my hysterical sister, freaking out because her ex was in the OC with the kids for some pop warner football event and left the kids in the hotel room while he was in the lobby with other parents. Keep in mind the kids are 13 & 7 and they had an adjoining room with another family whose parents were in their room and knew he had stepped out. Either way, it that kind of insane phone call that makes me cringe at the thought of moving back to Vegas, because if I didn’t live so far away that crap would’ve ended up on my doorstep. After about half an hour of taking her down, I got off the phone in time to say good bye to my other sister as they started on their drive back to Vegas.

The visit was enjoyable, we took the kids to the rink down town and they went ice skating. Even my little boy gave it a try, but he’d rather sit on his butt and play with the ice shavings. On Friday, my husband and I had dinner at a Jazz Café downtown and saw Jarhead. The food was excellent and as were the scenes with Jake Gyllenhaal’s ass. Saturday we did some shopping, I got a new laptop at Best Buy to replace the one that died like a week after the warranty expired…damn you Fry’s. I also picked up some sweet white elephant gifts for a party that our friends have every year. Unfortunately, our one friend won’t be able to make it this year…she feeding me some nonsense about money and paying bill…and to add insult to injury she’s stealing the tradition and replicating in LV…but I’m not bitter.

Feasting…

We are staying in town for Thanksgiving this year and we have some family and friends joining us to make our merry group grow from 3 to 11. As always, I am in charge of the majority of the cooking, which I actually enjoy and kick ass at…and “thankfully” the group that is joining us this year, usually feels compelled to pitch in by helping clean after the eatin’. The older I get the more fucked up I think this holiday is or at least the story that is presented to children about the history of turkey day. Pilgrims came to America and couldn't hack it on their own, so the Native American’s in the area took pity helped them thought the cold first winters and we eat this big ass meal in celebration this friendship. When do we get to the part about syphilis and the trail of tears? I bet those first couple of years where followed by thoughts of “shit, we should have let the fuckers starve”. I have a friend who’s family is on the fanatic side…they won’t celebrate Halloween because it’s evil or Christmas because it’s commercial. Everyone uses Thanksgiving as an opportunity to reflect on why they are thankful, but it could be a time to reflect on some fucked up things in history. I think I should make Thanksgiving placemats with a picture of Iron Eyes Cody crying and the caption “Do you want to give us disease and drive us off our land before or after the pumpkin pie?”

Can’t sleep…

It’s after 1am and I’m still up. I took a little nap earlier in the day, and am sure that has something to do with it. But, there is something that has been on my mind. I was watching TV this morning and there was a story about Heidi Fleiss opening a brothel that staffs male hookers, which is something I’ve been talking about for years. Okay, I know that I would never have the resources or balls to do it, but I am somewhat disappointed that someone else is doing it. So, this must make me appear to be the biggest freak on the planet, but really it is just my business side kicking in, plus I do think that brothels have their place. Let’s face it, this is an industry that has been around forever, and it’s not going anywhere. I’d rather it be done in away that does not spread STDs, the prostitutes don’t have to be worried about being beaten by johns or vice versa, and we can tax the hell out of it. Also, there is the whole selfish “not in my backyard” aspect. Before they closed the Mustang, I hardly saw prostitutes in town, maybe I was just blind to it or hung out in the wrong locations, but I kid you not, the week after it closed the place was overflowing with streetwalkers. Anyway, Ms. Fleiss’ studs would be catering to women cliental, which has some potential, but I think she should have guys that “swing” both ways. Most women don’t need to go to a brothel to get some, but there might be some novelty and convenience factored into their decision to go, but I think that men would be more willing to seek out a male hooker. I mean you have some many different markets with men…the bi-curious young male who is not sure if he’s gay and want to check things out, the married man who is definitely in denial and likes to give/get bjs to celebrate milestone and the openly gay man who want to go for the novelty/convenience factor. Also, I think that she should have both male and female hookers, for those who want both and those who don’t want interested parties to know which gender prostitute they selected.

Ass Mouth

I debated posting this to my new blog about the baby in my belly, but then decided that the topic of ass mouth is rather general and will make you ill regardless of pregnancy.

The industry that I work in demands a lot of interaction with the public, due to my position I do not deal people, face to face, on a daily basis. Rather, I am more like the puppet master pulling strings from behind the scenes. Anyway, one of the people I manage is the department receptionist. Occasionally, the person who covers her during lunch breaks is out and I have to make sure that her desk is covered during those periods. Usually, I just ask someone to take care of it, but every once in a while I cover her desk as an attempt to get away from my phone. So, a couple of weeks ago I was covering the desk and this lady came into our office with some questions that required me to help her with some literature that was in the lobby area, that is when the ass mouth hit me. I wasn’t sure if she had been actually licking ass before she came in or if something had died in her mouth. I kept bobbing and weaving to avoid a direct hit of her ass breath, when thankfully the receptionist returned, just as my gag reflex took over and I scampered down the hall.

So, today it happened again, but with another lady and different ass mouth, this one working in a different department in my building. I was going to pick up some lunch and the eatery I was going to is walking distance from my office, so I figure its a nice day, the sun is out might as well walk. As I was waiting for the electric cross walk man to give the thumbs up, the person approached and said “hello”…I was literally greeted with ass mouth. She continued to bs with me as I stood there trying not to puke on her. Finally, she made a comment about it being cold…I took that as an opportunity to pretend to blow into my hands, when I was really covering my nose. But, her ass mouth was to powerful for that old trick. I finally resorted to holding my nose and stating that it was REALLY cold, while I prayed for the light to change. At last the cross walk man came to my rescue and I was able to ditch her in the crowd.

Why is it that a person can have tp stuck to their shoe or their slip showing and we have no problem letting them know, but if their breath smells like skunk used their mouth for target practice we decline to mention it to them?

I Demand Love!

I went to a friend's wedding this weekend and here's my favorite pic from the event. When the groom went in for some luv'n the bride didn't think it was time, thus pulled away and made for this kodak moment...

Paint Balled

I got home from work the other day to find my husband and my neighbor outside of our house. It happened that my neighbor, a thirty something fellow who still lives with his parents, accidentally shot our house with a paint ball gun. Seeing as how our house is a light yellow and the paint was pink, it made for an interesting mixture. I had just arrived as my neighbor finished cleaning it off, so I didn’t get a chance to see the house in all its glory, but he did happen to also get the stop sign on the corner…

How much...

do you think this job pays? (beware there is foul language used)