Funny Stuff...

Check out this video for the Utah State fair featuring Pedro and Napoleon...its incredible.

Sneak Attack Pelvic Exam

I consider myself a mildly intelligent individual. So, when my OB/GYN set up an appointment for me to meet with the person in charge of finances and have a “physical” I didn’t think much of it. I have been through this before and figured it would be the usual list of blood tests, getting weight/blood pressure baselines and a urine sample. But to my glorious surprise it includes a full set of STD tests…which means stirrups, Happy Tuesday Morning! Personally, when I’m going to have my genital probed and my cervix manhandled I like a little warning, but I guess they gave that to me when they said I was going to have a “physical”. I knew something was up when I walked into the room to see an economy size tube of KY, a set of gloves and those huge cotton swabs. Note to self: next time someone wants to give me a “physical” be sure to ask what that entails.
Picture from my OB's waiting room...why would you want a picture of your assumed spouse groping you 9 months pregnant stomach...and where the hell would you hang it?

Sick Baby!

So, my “hyper vigilant” self would never put a picture of my baby online, due to all the baby snatchers that would want him. But, my little guy was sick today, with a cold that was causing breathing problems. So, I dropped everything, left work (my computer is still on with porn on the screen j/k) and took him to the doctor. The result was that he had to get an Albuterol breathing treatment. Below is a pick with the mask on, I figure it’s okay to post since you can’t make out his whole face…poor baby.

Her/Him and everyone else...

Coincidence?

I think it was the talking slot machines that made them to do it...
Priscilla Ford and Stephen Ressa.

We are earning our reputation...

So, I completely “hyper vigilant” (as one friend calls me) and for good reason…my son is the cutest thing on earth and I know that everyone wants to steal him. This being said, I try not to say too much about myself as to clue in baby snatchers on how to find my perfect little cherub. But, I have to talk about something that gives a pretty good indicator of where I am…and that topic is “Street Vibrations”. It’s an annual biker “convention” held in my quaint little mountain town…and I might mention that this “mountain town” has a pretty good reputation for being totally white trash…and this week we are earning that reputation and then some. My little corner of the world has been invaded by leather bound, tattooed, hog riding DAs with an identity/mid-life crisis. And they are everywhere…I was having dinner with friends and the court yard at the restaurant we were at was filled with them…I had to go to the capital today and the highway was full with them…the sound of their machines fills the air 24/7…the city closed downtown to accommodate their gathering, which makes driving that direction a pain in the ass…in fact, driving anywhere in town is a pain because of these people…oh the horror.
Behold their ball of wonders…I think they get in with their bikes and ride around this thing…a demonstration of centrifugal force, burly and interested in science.

100 Things about me...

1. The smell of horses is one of my favorite
2. I’ve never been camping
3. I have no real desire to go
4. but, I like to give my husband shit for not taking me.
5. I’m a closet socialist
6. with a bachelors and a masters in business
7. but, I am able to live with myself anyways.
8. That comes from reading Thomas Jefferson and Karl Marx works.
9. People think that I’m smart
10. and that always shocks me.
11. I can cook anything with a recipe
12. but hate to clean up afterwards.
13. In fact, I hate cleaning period.
14. I’m the kinky freak in my marriage…
15. my friends are just learning this about me…
16. my husband is a prude and it gets worse as we get older.
17. I lead a double-life; people who know me in my volunteer organization have no idea who I am…
18. I can adjust myself to any situation.
19. I read philosophy for fun…currently “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”
20. I think that I am completely insane,
21. but strangely enough the most normal person in my family.
22. I love my family…
23. but am happy that they are 440+ miles away.
24. I’m the youngest of approximately 8 children
25. but, only really talk to three of my siblings.
26. The sweetest person that I’ve ever meant is my son.
27. I will be happy when I’m older…
28. because people have a hard time taking me serious due to my age,
29. so a lot of the time I don’t tell people how old I am when asked.
30. I am a problem solver or doer for most people in my life…family, friends, co-workers, etc…
31. I was born and raised catholic…
32. but don’t think believing in Jesus as the son of god is important
33. but I think that believing in his message is…take care of each other.
34. I am horrible at foreign languages
35. and that played a large part in selecting my major in college.
36. I can train myself to do anything (except speak a foreign language)…
37. examples: I am right handed but mouse left when at work, right at home…
38. I use to sleep on my stomach, but now I sleep on my left side (better during pregnancy)
39. I would sacrifice or do everything and anything for my children.
40. If I’m interested in a topic, I learn everything about it.
41. I’m a great researcher.
42. I have a crazy memory
43. that sometimes freaks people out.
44. I’m still not over the death of my bother-in-law, Michael
45. I don’t think I’ll ever be.
46. He was married to my sister for 25 years.
47. He died on Thanksgiving Day last year.
48. He was the closest thing I had to a brother growing up,
49. because my real brothers suck.
50. I’m afraid of my parents dying,
51. because I know I’ll never recover from that.
52. I listen to NPR all day…
53. I think that makes me a nerd.
54. I love my hair…
55. when it is straight.
56. I think homosexuality makes complete sense
57. and it just so happens I’ve never been attracted to a girl to the point of trying anything.
58. My best friend is a boy,
59. growing up we use to tell people we were cousins so his girlfriend’s didn’t get jealous.
60. We slept in the same bed until college
61. but nothing sexual ever happened.
62. We stopped because he got married, and my then boyfriend, now husband asked me not to.
63. When my best friend found out about my then boyfriend, now husband, he gave me a hunting knife to protect myself incase he got rough.
64. He had just seen “Higher Learning” and got worried, he was also high/drunk at the time.
65. I still have knife…
66. I’ve never used it.
67. When I get nervous I start listing polyatomic ions in my head or sing a song where you list all 50 states to the tune of yankee doodle dandy.
68. The scariest thing I ever done was hold on to the outside of a mini-van while standing on the running board…
69. as it went down the street at 45 mph.
70. I’ve lived a pretty safe life.
71. I’ve never lived alone…
72. but, being alone is one of my favorite things.
73. I don’t have a favorite flower…
74. but I do love flowers in general.
75. I send flowers to my husband at work every year on his birthday.
76. I like to do nice things for other people, usually strangers, and not tell anyone about it.
77. I don’t really believe there is a hell…or if there is its pretty empty.
78. I’m afraid that there isn’t a heaven.
79. I’ve had orgasms while sleeping…the mind is an amazing thing.
80. I think middle-aged men are sexy…
81. I often had crushes on my college professors for that reason.
82. I try practicing temperance…
83. I try not to use my horn or curse while driving.
84. I have a much dirtier mouth on paper then I do in person.
85. I love to sleep… but have trouble getting there.
86. I worry too much…sometimes it gives me nightmares.
87. I think the story “The cat and the coffee drinkers”, that I read as a kid, has some great life lessons.
88. My family thinks too highly of me…
89. I think it because I don’t live close by.
90. I think the phrase “shit or get off the pot” applies to everything…
91. I need to remember to apply it to my life more often.
92. I’m in love with Bradly Nowell, to bad he’s dead.
93. I think that Kurt Vonnegut is the greatest writer ever…
94. and I like going to used book stores looking for his stuff.
95. The thought of having another c-section scares me.
96. In high school I thought dating was a waste of time…
97. I can sometimes be rational to a fault…
98. and have trouble understanding people who don’t think logically (as defined by me).
99. I hate not being in control of a situation.
100. I love to listen to people talk…I find people amazing and what to learn about them.

The Bathroom...

Okay, so by this time, anyone who knows me knows that I am pregnant. And unlike my last pregnancy I have a touch of a weak stomach this time...mother nature is a bitch. Anyway, it doesn't take much to get my gag reflex going. Today, at the end of work I had to go to the bathroom before I headed to my car. Right before I got to the bathroom, an older lady that works in my building went in. I got into my stall and started taking care of business just has she started to rip the loudes farts I've ever heard in a public restroom (this my come as a shocker to most guys, but most girls don't fart in public, even in a bathroom, unless they are alone). Needless to say, I spent the next five minutes trying to control my gag reflex. When I was finally able to pull myself together, she had already left and my eyes were red and watering. Just writing about it makes my stomach turn...